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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Forever and a day since a post

*sigh* I have soooooooooo much to say but when I start, nothing comes out. I'm so confused and scared by everything. I'm flustered by the thought of simply going outside to get the mail. I keep twitching and jumping. It feels as if some sort of animal is biting the back of my neck. I can't walk straight or even semi-normal because my feet are completely numb. Dr D. (my beloved pain management Doc) has successfully controlled my headaches. Instead of the daily pain of my headaches averaging a 4-6 it is now averaging 1-3. However the pain in my neck isn't improved.

I feel the overwhelming urge to cry. I'm not sad...really, I just want to cry. I'm confused and scared. I know I could go on IV if I simply ask my LLMD. Let me break it down....I'm a type A....I like to be in control. I need to know how things work and what the step by step process is. Let's just say if there was a GPS type device for treating lyme....I would have bought it by now. IV abx brings on so many variables. I'm allergic to many abx. As a baby (about 6 months I believe) I had a severe reaction penicillin. I also suffered an anaphylactic reaction to levaquin in May 2009. When I take abx I usually suffer from every side effect.  I fear that if I go on IV abx I won't be able to tell the difference between an allergic reaction, side effects and a herx.

There's too many unknowns, too many variables and not enough people to help.  I know I'm not alone. I have my lymies. I love every one of you and think of you every day! Even with you....I still feel alone. My husband is wonderful. If he becomes anymore supportive I'll have to throw out my bras. With all that, I still feel this is my disease alone to fight.

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